DEAR MISS MANNERS: I’m good mates with a lady, and we’ve a mutual good friend Jason. He’s a bully and discreetly pursued me for a few years. I strive my greatest to keep away from him and his spouse, which for probably the most half works.
I did not inform my good friend about Jason’s meanness and bullying as a result of I needn’t drag her into it.
Sadly, she gave me a gift given by Jason and his spouse. I did not need this merchandise at my home, so I donated it to a thrift retailer the following day.
Now I really feel unhealthy as my good friend spent a superb amount of cash on this merchandise. I’m wondering if I ought to have gently knowledgeable her of the scenario, kindly declined the present and let her cross it on to somebody who would respect it. She is totally unaware of the ache this man and his spouse induced me, and she or he was very beneficiant with this present.
Is there the rest I ought to have executed? What ought to I do if this occurs once more?
CAREFUL READER: Ms. Manners understands that the concept somebody may be disturbed in a discreet manner shouldn’t be distinctive to you. However she will’t assist however discover that the illogicality of concurrently exaggerating and downplaying what occurred is what has led to your present confusion.
In case you’ve been stalked, then you might have an obligation to warn your good friend about Jason, if not essentially destroy his enterprise.
If as an alternative, the habits was simply annoying or offensive, however not disturbing, then your intuition to not drag your good friend into it was right.
DEAR MISS MANNERS: When somebody receives a e-book as a present, ought to they wait till they view or learn the e-book earlier than commenting on it in a thanks word? Or ought to thanks be speedy, saving all feedback on the e-book for an additional message?
CAREFUL READER: Thank the donor now earlier than you learn the e-book. In case you like her later, it offers you a subject of dialog the following time you meet. In case you hate a e-book however are requested about it, you’ll be able to repeat how a lot you sit up for studying it.
DEAR MISS MANNERS: Answering calls shouldn’t be my job, however I nonetheless do it 10-12 instances a day.
Usually folks hold up the cellphone with out saying something.
I am assuming it is as a result of they understand they’ve dialed the fallacious quantity. However I bought the impression that it was indecent to hold up silently and that I ought to apologize briefly. When the caller on the fallacious quantity says one thing, at the least I do know the cellphone name wasn’t an essential, disconnected name.
CAREFUL READER: You are proper that it is indecent to hold up one other individual’s cellphone, however Miss Manners, uncharacteristically, will make one small concession to the effectivity over etiquette mob:
In case you, as a mistaken caller, can hold up quick sufficient to consider in your coronary heart that the decision did not undergo, she’s prepared to disregard a single random beep from one other family digital machine she by no means actually wanted.
Please ship your inquiries to Miss Manners on her web site www.missmanners.com; to her electronic mail, Dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or by mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas Metropolis, MO 64106.
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